Elliot James Reid

ELLIOT JAMES BORN 5TH JUNE,FELL ASLEEP 6TH JUNE 05.
The following is a dairy i kept untill i was 23weeks&4 days pregnant with my beautiful third child Elliot James.
I regularly bought pregnancy magazines when I was pregnant with my daughter; she turned 1 in May 05. But now I’m pregnant again with my third child, due 18th September, currently 23wks. But I feel I can’t buy these magazines as these are all about ‘healthy, normal’ pregnancies, unlike mine, I feel I have no where to turn. I can’t seem to find out about any women who have been in my situation or are currently going through it.
Everything was going fine until 14wks, I and my husband had just returned from a long weekend in Blackpool, our first ‘getaway’ together since the birth of our daughter. We were home for a few days when I started bleeding. Naturally we went the hospital, baby was fine but they noticed a 3cm clot on the placenta. We returned home, slightly anxious but reassured. I lost the clot, hoping this would be the end of the bleeding. But I had bleeding on and off until I was 17/18 wks, each time we back to the hospital, baby was fine and the bleed on the placenta had grown. They couldn’t explain why I was bleeding and I was given a 50% chance of carrying or miscarrying and the baby had lost water but couldn’t confirm if my waters had broken. Through this time we just plodded along with the pregnancy, not quite aware of the full seriousness or the possible complications.
At 19wks they bought my 20 wk scan forward. Baby a healthy size, everything where it should be but the consultant quite bluntly said my waters had broken and this baby would need a miracle to survive as there isn’t enough water for the baby’s lung to survive, therefore not enabling the baby to survive after birth. The options we were given were to terminate or carry on with the pregnancy knowing we wouldn’t have a baby at the end of it. We went home devastated, not knowing what to do. A few weeks earlier my Health Visitor and a friend explained about a procedure called animofusion but is usually carried out in later stage of pregnancy. Later that night me and my husband were discussing are options and wondered why this hadn’t been mentioned. I wanted to know more but by this time my husband had given us hope and had started to grieve. I went on the internet searching and found more. It can be performed anytime after 14wks but also comes a higher risk of miscarrying. The next day we rang the hospital and made the appointment for the following day. We went in armed with the information from the internet and also with a list of questions about the animofusion and also what would happen if we terminated or I miscarried. We went for our appointment and met an consultant Dr.W. we went through the previous consultants two options then Dr.W said but there is a third and mentioned the animofusion before he finished saying the word we handed him the print out, he seemed surprised and shocked by us doing our research and the list of questions we were obviously prepared considering our terrible news. The Dr.W. looked at the printout and said it was by a Dr.W. he had taught and went on to explain he had written a book a few years previously on animofusion. So obviously we were in great hands. Dr w was very professional and went on to explain all the pro’s, cons and risks of the procedure. He offered it to us that day. I and my husband had already made our minds up the night before; we would give everything a go. Half an hour later I was lying on the bed having it done, it’s the same procedure as an animocientis but they inject fluid instead of taking it out. They injected 250mls of fluid. Within 20mins it was over, the baby was gulping the fluid and spread its legs- it’s a boy! Up until then every previous scan had be unable to tell the sex as he was squashed by lack of water and space! His lungs are bell shaped which is a sign of lack of water and space and would hopefully correct over time. We returned home knowing the risks of premature labour and if I loss the fluid then it’s a definite premature rupture of the waters. I lasted 5hrs before losing most of what they put in. it was dishearting but knowing I’m trying to give our baby the best chance I can makes up for it.
We returned back to the hospital 10 days later; when i was 21wks. Only to hear I had lost all the water, which I sort of expected but still shocked to hear. I choose not to have the animofusion that day as it was my daughters 1st birthday, I didn’t wish to spend the day resting nor god forbid if anything would happen. Dr.W. ran through the options again of 1; leave everything as it is, 2; terminate, 3; carry on with the animofusions. He explained if we choose to terminate we would have to decide by next appointment in 2 days time as terminating after 22wks is more distressing for mother and baby as they have to inject the baby but before 22wks they give you tablets to stop the baby’s heartbeat. Also with the animofusions it only gives us 40% chance of survival and Dr.W. stressed that our baby if lucky enough to survive would have some sort of lung difficulties. Also with premature rupture of waters there is risk of infection which can cause premature labour or miscarrying basically; I won’t reach full term! So with that comes another set of complications for me and the baby. We spoke to a paediatric who explained the complications of a baby being born premature. The most important thing he said that I digested was after 24wks survival chances are ok but chances improve with each week that passes. He also stressed and agreed with Dr.W. that if I do carry to 30/34wks they won’t induce as baby is safer inside unless it threatens my health or the baby’s.
This new information of reality put a slight damper on our daughter birthday but we had to decide for two days time. For the first time in my life I really didn’t know, what’s for the best for me, my husband, and my two children? What’s best for our baby? All the possible complications? And what about quality of life for our family and baby.
We returned two days later, my husband had given up hope but supportive of what decision I may make. Well, I was too swaying towards termination too, just for the sake of being to look after my children. As losing fluid seriously puts a strain on all of us. I don’t leave the house and when I do, I rarely walk far for fear of losing more I haven’t been able to walk my son to school nor do I hold or carry my daughter for long periods of time and this pregnancy is mentally draining. I got to the room and still I couldn’t decide with the amount of pressure, what is the right thing for me to do? I eventually decided I couldn’t terminate, I couldn’t forcibly put myself through a traumatic labour with no happy ending. Yet I couldn’t sit back and not give out baby a fighting chance. He’s held on this long; why not give him the chances he deserves. I decided to carry on with the animofusions but I didn’t want it that day I was naturally run down with stress and didn’t wish to tempt fate, I was scared the stress might have been a sign of infection which may start labour. We waited another 5 days before our next appointment, I personally saw those 5 days as a open window foe nature, ‘an if its going to happen let it be now’ but thankfully nothing did.
We went back 5 days later at 22wks, they injected 400mls of fluid. Baby still growing; he’s breech which I know is normal at this stage but being breech with hardly any space and water his head is slightly rugby shaped but no major concern at this moment. Surpriselly enough with baby going 19 days without fluid his lungs weren’t as bell shaped. All a good sign to me.
A week later at 23wks 3days another animofusion they injected 500mls. Its dishearting as each time we return I’ve lost all the fluid and at times it like banging your head against a brick wall. But every little thing helps. He’s still growing, he’s swallowing fluid before its lost, kidney and bladder are working, everything seems like a ‘normal’ pregnancy except for ironically the most important thing he needs- fluid
Every animofusion i'm very anxious for the following as it increases the chances of going into labour, then there’s the risk of infection because my waters have broken.
I have 3 days to go until I reach my personal milestone of 24wks, next its 25wks and so on! The doctors don’t expect me to go full term, i’m not that concerned at the moment. My main concern is carrying the pregnancy on for as long as possible then we will deal with the outcome when it happens. I have my steroid injection (to promote lung maturity) next week i can't wait I just want to give our baby the best chance we can. Me and my husband have discussed possible outcomes and at the moment are prepared as we’ll ever be. I still get comments from people like ‘are you sure you’re doing the right thing?’ @have you thought about your other 2 children and how it will affect them?’ ‘What about disabilities, will you cope?’ i’m not sure if these people are just small minded about possible disabilities or they just dint understand my decision. Bit honestly what others do? That 40% chance of survival is better than being told that you need a miracle for the baby to live and naturally I’ve thought about the effects this could have upon everyone but at the end of the day our baby is fighting and holding on why shouldn’t I? I’m doing this and making this decision because I can live with it and isn’t that the most important thing to consider?
I returned back to the hospital at 24weeks 2days with what i thought eventually slow labour i had a stomach bug and honestly thought my body was detoxing as some people but thankfully after a overnight stay&being put on a drip i was fine,as fine can be! Back in the hospital a day later at 24wks 4days,i was to sadly recieve my last aninomfusion. They had to perform it twice,the first time the water was just leaking out the hole,we could visually see it that day the clot on my left side and the tear in the sac on the right.I had 450mls injected as i was tense with just recovering from the stomach bug. With having to perform it twice we obviously invaded Elliot's space as he grabbed the needle,sadly i didn't see that,i could never watch! But i did see Elliot grab his 'bits' and it also looked like he was picking his nose,or maybe waving! He was swallowing the water quite quickly, poor mite! It was noted he was 'practicing' breathing and he has lung tissue. But the question is will it work? I was also given a steroid injection,which i was begging for since i reached 24wks. Sadly i didn't manage to make it out the hospital without losing most of the fluid they injected in. The following day i had a second steriod injection,most of the day i was losing the water with pinkish discharge, the following day was the same which in hindsight was a 'show'. My husband was having a day off, airosofting (playing action man with BB guns) but came back at dinner time when i explained this was the second day of something wasn't quite right,i was worried.
We went the hospital,quite hard explaining everything to the midwifes as this wasn't a normal pregnacy. At first they couldn't find the heartbeat but after weeks of to and from the hospital we knew our son,my husband found his heartbeat,so false alarm over. I was kept in over night through out sunday 5th june 05 i had 'niggles' everyone came to see me in the end just after tea time i couldn't leave the ward,i knew this may be the start of things at 9pm i mentioned to the staff my pains i got some pain killers but i only took one,i'm not overly keen on pain killers. I was checked over everything seemed ok but i knew the contractions were every 20mins.At 10pm i had discharge i was checked over and was rushed down to delivery suite as i was 5cms.The doctor on call couldn't found Elliot's heartbeat and couldn't see it on the scan(with him being cramped without water) he went to get another doctor to confirm while the midwife wouldn't give up searching for his heartbeat,thankfully i knew he was ok at that time and she found it.She left the room to tell the doctor while i had a second who was getting the gas&air for me.By this time it was 11pm I was checked again and elliot was pushing his cord out with his shoulder!Elliot was born breech at 11.18pm on 5th june 05 weighing 1lb 9ozs,i swear as he was pulled out there was a groan.It took the doctors a while to get the breathing equipment in as he was so small.for the first 2hrs or so he was doing so well but before i went to theatre (to get the placenta removed,as my cervix closed quite soon after Elliot ws born) As i was going i saw my son 'properly' for the first on a photo the staff had took and was told his left lung had collasped,as he was small and they were doing their best for him.I remember i went to see him briefly after theatre about 4/5am.I was exhausted i knew whatever the outcome i need some rest to get throught it.About 8ish i couldn't sleep anymore between 8&11am we had family come to visit and see him.Elliot was gorgeous even with all the tubes,i couldn't believe this was the little fighter i had been carrying,i couldn't believe he even had hair with a slight wave in it!He sadly wasn't recieving enough oxygen with one lung impaired and had been told all the side effects mainly brain damaged with no chance of living but my man had a better heartbeat than two babies who were either side of him and they had been in the scbu longer than Elliot.I still couldn't turn off his life support,selfish or not and knew there was no chance for my baby,but his heart was so strong at 12.18 in the afternoon Elliot made the choice for me and i held him for the first time as he fell asleep.He fought for 13hrs.
I would do it all again in a heartbeat just to hold him for them precious hours.
I am so proud of you son x sweet dreams x